“Caravaggio was the BEST renaissance painter, because he knew his shit. Literally. Look at this painting, he’s painted shit on everything, even Saint Peter!”
“For those of you fortunate enough to Not grow up catholic, a baptism is where you mist a baby like an orchid to keep it from going to hell.”
“You get Extra Credit for you eerily comprehensive knowledge of Muppets. Now stop talking.”
“GOD I love flying buttresses. They’re so melodramatic!”
“I don’t call him “Da Vinci” because that means “From Vinci”. That’s like calling Steve “Of Greeley” instead of his real name and that’s just rude. And not just because Greeley is Awful.”
“Michelangelo was really depressed because his job sucked. Also because he was a bit of a douche, but mostly the job. He should have been doing literally anything else.”
“Everything can be improved with a Simpson’s reference!”
“Send me Memes, I like having recent content in my lectures.” *Next day* “Stop sending me memes. Please.”
*whilst angrily pointing at a picture of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles* “The Turtles have all their names mixed up for their personalities and frankly that’s embarrassing. The techie should be Leo, the Flirt should be Raphael, The Boring Leader Dude should be Donatello and the angry one should be Carvaggio because that asshole literally spent his life drunk, fighting people and blackmailing cardinals. Carvaggio was the BEST.”
“I could have studied in Rome. I could be trying to match boxes of broken dicks to statuary. Instead of dicks I have you assholes.”
“Warhol was, as you young people say, A Troll. The art is not the Art, the Outrage is the Art. Which is kind of a Dick Move, which we old people say too.”
“Remember Kids- mental illness and heavy metal poisoning are not actually substitutes for Talent and Hard Work! Get therapy and don’t drink your paint water!”
There is an infamous building on our campus, called “Montgomery House” or more commonly, “Monty.” Monty is the building for animation, game design, special effects, sound design, and basically everything that requires highly powerful, highly specialized computers and software. The building is infamous for a couple of reasons. It’s located pretty far away from any other building, for one.
The building itself used to be a coffin factory, no joke. Another is the building has no windows. None. There are also no clocks anywhere. Once you enter Monty, you are completely separated from the flow of time and the light of day. Probably the reason Monty is most known though is because students in the “monty majors” have to spend a lot of time there. A lot. It is not uncommon for somebody to spend more than a few days exclusively within the sunless, dark walls of Monty. If you go to the building, it is not surprising to see students sleeping on the floor, on the few chairs available, on the computers. Some bring sleeping bags and rations. Some just forgo sleep, buy espresso shots and work. The entire building just smells of coffee and sweat. It really seems like an exageration, but its not hyperbole.
Why I bring this up is because of something that’s started recenetly. Inside the building, the school has hung up artwork on the walls from other majors as is typical on campus. One of the artworks was a self-portrait painting of a man with long, scraggly brown hair and a full beard looking pensively off into the distance. The painting became known as “Monty Jesus.”
Students, in their desperation for their files to render, or the computers to work, began to offer prayers to Monty Jesus. Soon, they began writing their prayers and taping them next to the painting. The wall is now covered, completly plastered, in prayers to Monty Jesus for things like “Fix the wifi” and “let me live through finals” and more simply “help me.” Candles have been added. Literal candles are placed around Monty Jesus in hopes he will help them.
This is how religions are born. Monty Jesus is considered a “joke”, but people at Monty still hold…. quite a lot of superstitious faith in the concept. There is even talk of a “Monty Satan” that creates software failures. It might be in jest, but these students really are hoping for some force to help them. And they’ve given it a name, an image, and respect. Monty Jesus is real, and I’m sure of it. The desperate students have created their own spirit and their own form of worship, out of need.
Religion, spirituality, didn’t stop being relevant. It didn’t stop being something people need and want, and have the desire to create. It’s still happening, and it always will as long as their are people. The spirit of creation, new deities and new worship, is alive and well today and should not be ignored simply because it is “new” or “a joke.”
Monty Jesus is Real and Strong and Our Friend
SCAD is such a weird and magical place.
As soon as I saw “Monty” I knew this was about my school
I go to this school and I can confirm he is real. Another weird happening that occurred in the dorm adjacent to Monty is the smashed fly incident. Basically, someone smashed a fly on the stairway wall in the dorm and, because no janitor in this building ever bothers to thoroughly clean the place, the fly stayed there for a good few weeks. Eventually, one of the students wrote “ART” next to the fly with a sharpie, and a few days after that, someone made a tiny frame and name tag to accompany the art piece
Eventually some fool took this beautiful art piece down, and someone wrote a goddamn article about it in our school newspaper
which prompted several students to erect a mini shrine on the stairwell in honor of the smashed fly. Art school is truly a magical place.
Sculpted by Kevon Ward and maybe you think this is one of those cases where a “realistic interpretation” goes over the top but really this is 100% what they would have looked like if they were alive.
Kapoor or one of his agents has, it’s worth noting, violated the terms of service put forth on Semple’s website, and Semple isn’t happy. He expressed his deep concern over the situation in an email to artnet News:
We are all extremely disappointed to see that Anish Kapoor has illegally acquired the world’s pinkest pink. He’s walked into this paint war with a gesture that cannot be misconstrued. He’s given the art community a bright pink middle finger. He is still very much at large. Not only has he refused to share the black, he’s now stolen our pink. Rest assured, we will get to the bottom of who has purchased this on Anish Kapoor’s behalf and broken their contractual agreement with culturehustle.com, and we will instruct our lawyers to take appropriate action against such breaches. We are pleased to note that he has not managed to get his hands on the World’s Glitteriest Glitter—yet—and we urge purchasers not to share the product with Kapoor or his associates.
