a friend of mine linked this to me a while back, saying it was the funniest thing he’s ever watched. i watched it, chuckled a bit. didn’t think it was that funny. bit of a disappointment.
flashforward to two months later. i’m sitting in the library, dead silent. i’ve completely forgotten about this video until now, but then in my head i just hear the opening line, “hey there youtube, uh, stu here” pop up and i just lose it. i can’t stop laughing. i’m laughing the hardest i’ve ever laughed in my life. i’m desperately trying to stop laughing and i just can’t. people are staring, gawking at this poor man trying to suppress his laughter with some kind of contorted mixture of joy and horror on his face. i spent the next half an hour in a toilet cubicle, cackling to myself about a fucking spicy chipotle chicken pizza unboxing video, trying to calm myself down
please do not watch this video it is a ticking timebomb
my fave SCP is Geoff who is basically a regular guy who doesnt even work at the SCP foundation but just happens to keep wandering into high-security parts of the building by accident somehow and escapes containment the same way
like it says its an SCP on probation because they cant prove if he has some supernatural power or if hes just a guy who knows all of the passwords to the SCP foundation
I think my favorite part are the transcripts
“Commander Price: Alright people, it’s go time! I
want suppressing fire on this thing NOW! Neptune squadron, hit it with
everything you’ve got! If this thing gets one claw to the surface, then—
SCP-008-J: Hey, I remember you!
Commander Price: (Exasperated and enraged) FUCK!
SCP-008-J: Can you help me out? I’m a bit turned around. I’m trying to get to Grays Street.
Commander Price: WE’RE 3,000 METERS UNDER THE FUCKING OCEAN!
SCP-008-J: (Produces smartphone) Well that explains why my map won’t load.
Commander Price: WHO THE FLAMING CHRIST ARE YOU!?
SCP-008-J: Geoff, remember? Hey, are you on Facebook? I feel like I keep running into you! We should be friends!”
Geoff is tormenting this poor commander for no reason.
I like the non horror SCPs. Most of the horror ones are ok but the non horror ones are amazing.
My favorite one is a book that when you read it makes you fall asleep then you have an amazing fantasy adventure,
SCP-1230. It doesn’t steal the energy of people, it doesn’t make you die if you die while dreaming, it’s just the most kick ass adventure of your life.
Also it’s sad because the book tries as hard as it can to make people happy but one time this guy who is super into fantasy and stuff used and was asleep for like day and in the dream it was 200 years. The after he got out he killed himself because he just couldn’t take going back to the normal world. When that happened the book grew depressed and sad. The pages were wet as if someone had been crying on them and it keep saying it was sorry.
Eventually a researcher used a sticky note to communicate that he wanted to talk with it. He then fell asleep and met with the manifestation of the book in the dream world, he talked with him and was able to learn what happened and through visiting him and using sticky notes he was able to help it out and it eventually started displaying
“A hero is born” on its pages
again.
I LOVE THAT
One of my favorite SCP’s is this giant, old house that nobody dares to touch because they all think it’s haunted. Eventually, the researchers find that the house isn’t haunted, but hosts an inter-dimensional portal, and some sort of Lovecraftian horror is communicating with the tenants.
He’s not really evil or anything; he’s actually pretty laid back. It’s just that he’s just kind of racist against carbon-based life forms and is really passive-aggressive.
My favorite is the toaster that makes people talk about it in the first person. Even the entirety of the report is written as “I am a toaster. I toast bread just like any other toaster” People don’t even realize they’re doing this and there are no negative side effects they’ll just go right back to normal when they leave the toaster it’s ridiculous
It’s been a while since I’ve been to the site, but the more ‘mundane’ SCPs were always my favourite. A good story doesn’t need to be complicated.
my favorite -J SCP is the belligerent killbot that can’t defeat anything, no matter what it’s matched with. the researchers give it a potted plant to fight and it loses. i can identify with that.
what about the SCP that’s literally a magic box of pizza? Think about your brand, make, style, toppings, and boom immediately a free pizza exactly how you wanted. I can get down with that.
There is an anomalous region that was permanently transformed to fit a good-willed hippie’s desire after he talked to an old desert deity as thanks since she was feeling lonely for a long time.
A calculator that has trouble with big operations but tries its best to be helpful to its kid, a bowl of soup that helps kids get well when sick or injured and gives fatherly messages, a fictional man who enjoys the written adventures he can invade, a literal tickle monster, a cat cut in half…
Oxford University is home to a battery-
powered bell that’s been continuously
ringing since 1840. Nobody knows what
the battery is made of and no one wants
to risk taking it apart to find out. We’ll
never know for sure until it someday
stops working, making it the world’s
longest-running science experiment. SourceSource 2
The king ordered the experiment to be conducted using two identical twins. Both of the twins had been tried for the crimes they had committed and condemned to death. Their sentences were commuted to life imprisonment on the condition that one of the twins drank three pots of coffee, and the other drank the same amount of tea, every day for the rest of their lives.
Two physicians were appointed to supervise the experiment and report its finding to the king. Unfortunately, both doctors died, presumably of natural causes, before the experiment was completed. Gustav III, who was assassinated in 1792, also died before seeing the final results. Of the twins, the tea drinker was the first to die, at age 83; the date of death of the surviving coffee drinker is unknown.
Anonymous: ACe ee loor tWY?
