Live and Love under Patooties' peculiar light
THOUSAND OAKS, CA—Oblivious to the unforgiving judgments being passed on him every single day, sources said Friday that local 2-year-old Caleb Gibson is completely unaware that he is the sole basis for six couples’ decisions not to have kids. According to reports, the toddler has thus far failed to recognize that his temper tantrums and messy eating habits have motivated several of his mother’s friends, as well as a couple who were eating near Gibson’s family at a restaurant, to go their entire lives without ever raising children of their own. Gibson also reportedly remains wholly ignorant of the fact that his behavior this past Christmas, which included shrieking for 10 straight minutes after not getting a cookie, was directly responsible for his aunt and uncle’s choice to never procreate, or that stories about staying up all night to take care of him are why one of his father’s coworkers and her husband determined that they would be fine with just a dog. Sources also revealed that Gibson is unaware that he is the reason his own parents have decided not to have more children.
(via maybeiwasserious)
“Hole to another universe“
Because… well, why not? lol
(- credits idea go to @cuddlecuffs -)
(via transsalamander)
A kid at work has decided that they don’t want to play with the kitchen set, and don’t want to play Barbies, but would instead rather take the them-sized stove and the Barbie-sized stove and pretend that they’re mommy and baby stoves.
The baby stove is currently at stove school, which is for stoves.
The mommy stove is at work, and apparently makes soup for a living, which I know because this kid is has been chanting, “I MAKE SOUP AND I DO IT ALL DAY / EVERY SINGLE SOUP SECOND, EVERY SINGLE SOUP WAY,” louder and louder and higher and higher to the point where it’s now either being sung by the world’s loudest mouse or the world’s most out-of-breath six-year-old.
(via sakimcgee)
He’s had a hard couple of years man I’m glad they making it
(Source: nbc.com, via transsalamander)
Gabe’s a great dad and u better believe me
(via funfetti-cakke)
So i’m moving out on my own soon and my dad wants to make sure i know how to cook and he just called me downstairs and threw an apron at me and was like “WELCOME TO CHOPPED”
Ok my mystery ingredients are: canned potatoes, frozen spinach, frozen green beans, and tilapia
And he shoved them all under a cake platter so he could do a dramatic reveal
He keeps referring to himself as Tim Allen and idk if he’s trying to be funny or if he is just confused as to what Ted Allen’s name is
HE JUST YELLED “SUDDEN DEATH” AND PULLED A BAG OF WALNUTS OUT JFC DAD TED ALLEN WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO ME
Alright so we’re doing Walnut Crusted Tilapia on a Bed of Spinach with a side of Microwaved Green Beans and Canned Potatoes. Gourmet cooking at its finest.
He has been narrating everything I’ve done and whenever I’m about to fuck up he runs to the kitchen table and pretends to be a judge like “Interesting choice preheating the oven to 300°…I’d do it to 350°”
My dad told me I only have three minutes left but I think he said that three minutes ago so idk if he’s serious? IDKIDKIDK EVERYTHING IS A BLUR RN AND I HAVENT EVEN PLATED WHAT AM I DOING ON TUMBLR
Ok so apparently “throwing things on the plate in a panic” isn’t plating, but it tasted really good. Also, I didn’t get chopped, but my dog did because she wouldn’t stop barking at the neighbor.
I feel so accomplished and idk I think I’m ready for the actual show keep an eye out for me, guys
This is actually such great dadding
Does anyone have a father who actually did a good job at parenting? That sounds like a myth.
Whenever I see a post like this I feel kinda sad but do realize how truly lucky I am.
I remember that time I accidentally overheard my dad talking with one of his friends, in a random conversation, and him saying ‘blablabla, but hey if she [about me] gets a boyfriend or a girlfriend’ even though I have never brought up sexuality in my life; my dad didn’t assume that I was straight.
I remember that time when I was forced to go on a school trip when I was younger (actually a trip to another country which was a first for me, when surrounded by fellow students that I didn’t get along with all that much) and I got anxiety and home sickness after two days, I called home, and my dad picked up, and he was like ‘okay princess, I got homesick too when I was younger, I’ll come pick you up’. And I remember laughing through my tears because haha, that was sweet of him to say, but that would be a 24 hour drive actually so it was supposedly a joke. Either way I did feel well enough to at least make it through the rest of that day and the night, but then I woke up to this text like ‘I’m nearly here, did you pack your stuff yet? Also I’m kinda lost in this city but I don’t know how to speak Czech and no one here speaks English, do you speak Czech?!’ (Which I really don’t.) Eventually he found a taxi driver and paid the guy to drive ahead of him to get to the address of the hotel where I was staying.
I remember a recent migraine attack and me going like ‘dad, I’m okay enough to go to work now but my vision is still kinda blurry, so could you drive me, because me driving wouldn’t be the safest plan right now’. And him furiously declaring ‘NO, I’m not driving you anywhere, what you’re going to do for the rest of the day is getting some rest.’
I remember that one time when I was on my period and in the worst mood ever and my dad getting home from work and handing me my favorite chocolate, saying ‘I think you might need this’.
And I think everyone deserves that, and it’s so unfair that not everyone gets to have it.
(via kalianos)