Live and Love under Patooties' peculiar light
The machine only takes yen mannn, anything else it just returns thru the coin return slot - A-
Money entered: 340 yen
Item description: “Clam HAM” a chunk of meat simmilar to ham identified as being clam tissue from an unknown species. It appears to be a single organism’s entire muscle mass, which supports the idea that it is a giant new species. Uncooked; instructions for preparation in French printed on the meat with edible ink.
Notes: Enough with the ludicrous numbers, no means no. - O5
Money entered: 525 yen
Item description: A can of “STEEL POWAH!” brand energy drink, produced by the Gearholder Foundation. Packaging in Japanese, stating manufacture was done by an Asian subsidiary located in [DATA EXPUNGED]. Taste of cola with a spicy aftertaste.
Notes: How in the fuck… WHY IN THE FUCK?!- Site Director E. Gere
Money entered: 10 counterfeit yen
Item description: Red aluminum can labelled “Stop That” in big block letters. Loud buzzing heard from within can as if coming from a large, angry insect.
Can was not opened.
If SCP-978 is to be believed this thing is greedy enough as it is, so no .-.
poniesonpaper: Hmmm 1337 yen
Money entered: 1337 yen
Item description: “Wurmmies” assorted bag of gummy candies, packaging in Thai. Each gummy is shaped like a different species of insect, with exact scale sizes. Different flavors are listed for each insect.
Upon opening, the bag exuded a strong sweet smell of fruits and faint but noticeable almond.
Some of the gummies were confirmed to cointain trace amouns of poison respective to the species. Item incinerated after it was confirmed that a Desmoxytes purpurosea gummy’s toxin had contaminated the entire bag.
Money entered: 5 yen
Item description: A small turtle sculpture made of iron. No inscription to be found, but it exuded a memetic property that “informed” the researcher to put it inside a pot with at least 2 vegetables of any kind. After half an hour of cooking, the broth was reported to taste like turtle soup and confirmed to contain high levels of iron. The memetic property of the sculpture disappeared after the first use, but subsequent testing yielded the same results on 4 other broths, independent of the vegetables used. The fifth experiment yielded no turtle soup flavor but continuous testing shows the iron addition to keep consistent.
Money entered: 1000 yen. Testing with full quantity denied by O5.
Item description: “Horny of plenty” a conical glass container filled with a white substance, with a opening at the tip of the cone. Label in unknown language, aside from logo which is in English.
Testing reveals the substance to be [DATA EXPUNGED]
Notes: Clair I swear to god.
Anonymous: I'll take something for 1 yen
Money entered: 1 yen
Item description: One (1) breath mint, with the kanji for “Good fortune”
While keeping it in the mouth, test subject stumbled upon unclaimed currency at 7 different places within the building.
Money entered: 500 yen. Testing with full quantity denied by orders from O5.
Item description: “Enchiladas Negras de Doña Lola”, 4 corn tortillas in an EPS plate with plastic wrapping, covered in a black sauce. The food was warm upon retrieval, and sampling revealed the sauce to be slightly spicy, and made of cuitlacoche and other unidentified ingredients, while the tortillas were filled with melted cheese and black beans.
Packaging in Spanish, only on a sticker on the plastic foil, reveals [DATA EXPUNGED]