Live and Love under Patooties' peculiar light
I’mma delete one of those zeros, it’s bad enough that I’m violating protocol by going above 500 yen, and admittedly that Dauntless Bonanza incident could’ve been avoided quite easily by doing this.
“orz
Money entered: 1300 yen
Item description: One “Balanced Food ‘CalorieMate’ Block”, maple flavored. Package in English, severely damaged, as if exposed to the elements for a long period. Close analysis reveals the item to be 70 years old at the least, which is inconsistent with the time at which Otsuka Pharmaceutical Co. began production of the item.
Money entered: 78 yen
Item description: A pack of bubblegum, packaging in a language approximating both Cherokee and Latin, with syntactic traces of Greek and Nahuatl included. Taste does not match any kind of known vegetable or animal product, but is high in fructose and sacarose, as label indicates. Notably, it increases attention span in test subjects while being chewed.
I’m doing a lil cheeky writing of random pandimensional foods and drinks as would be dispensed by SCP-261 cuz it’s fun comin up with the things and also cuz it’s inclusive for whoever wants to send a ask. Kind of baiting for attention as well I guess but mostly just for the fun of it, yeh - 3-
Basically it’s a one-sided roleplaying now that I think about it :T
ANYWAYS:
Money entered: 750 yen
Item description: An unlabeled, thin, metallic cylinder with a button on one end that opens a circular orifice on the other end when pressed.
It dispenses a single small sphere, brown in coloration. When eaten, test subjects reported a familiar taste and texture of beef, bread and melted cheese, and a feeling of fullness after eating one. After dispensing 15 spheres, the cylinder apparently became empty, as no more spheres would come out, though no change in weight was observed.
Examination of the hole yields no result, as it seems to connect to a small chamber fit to store only one of the spheres at a time. Attempts to analyze internal structure of the device are underway.
Money entered: 800 yen
Item description: “Ostrich Nuggets” still hot, in a cardboard box with the McDonald’s logo on the lid. Labeled in Afrikaans. Two packets, one ketchup and one mustard, attached to a small band at each side of the box. Twelve nuggets in total, seemingly gluten-free and reduced in sodium.
…know what, fuck it, O5 can just kiss my ass .-.
Money entered: 9000 yen
Item description: Bottle of “Dauntless Bonanza” champagne. Label in Italian. Upon opening, the stream of foam expanded at a rate and proportion inconsistent with the possible volume that could be contained in the bottle, flooding the entire basement floor of the research facility. Three agents and 5 researchers fainted as a result of the high levels of carbon dioxide in the affected area, and were promptly taken to the medical bay.
Sampling of the champagne revealed it to be a very high quality, with the side effect of causing a memetic effect that caused those drinking it to engage in a celebration, as well as inciting others to join in. Cafeteria food stocks were raided and used for the ensuing feast, during which many personnel became violent, sexually active and a few [DATA EXPUNGED]. The party lasted for approximately 14 hours.
Class C Amnesiacs, contraception meds, emergency medical aid, and [DATA EXPUNGED] were dispatched, but subsequent analysis reveals the champagne itself accelerated healing processes, acted as a barrier for both pregnancy and disease, and also [DATA EXPUNGED]. No sample of the liquid remains.
Notes: I want those amnesiacs administered to all personnel who witnessed the [DATA EXPUGNED] and deletion of all recordings.- Site Director E. Gere
Money entered: 63 yen
Item description: One churro in a paper bag, unlabeled. Chocolate filled.
Notes: Sasha, the machine doesn’t necessarily know the meme meaning a number may have for people. And if you want a sex-changing snack it sure as hell will cost ya more than 63 yen -__-
Money entered: ??? yen (one coin with minting markings erased)
Item description: One donut covered in dark purplish frosting and white sprinkles. Transparent plastic wrapping in Portuguese stating it is [DATA EXPUNGED]. Item disposed of by biohazard team, researcher sent to medical bay for scoring and testing suspended for proper analysis of the area and decontamination if needed.
I make em on the go man
SCP testings are a writing exercise brah, what’s the point if you don’t exercise it? - 3-
Alright resuming testing. Yes there is a 24 hours wait after 10 uses of the machine but we also have SCPs able to accelerate time, idk why those other gutless fools refuse to cross-test even these skips, they’re harmless enough - .-
ANYWAY:
Money entered: 2000 yen
Item description: “FlaveGasms: Yellow Vibes” a bag containing 53 jelly beans. Flavors include mango, pineapple, orange, banana and kiwi. Logo in English, packaging in Dutch. Approximately 3 minutes after consumption, if the consumer is a biological male, the testicles will begin to produce a viscous substance of the same flavor as the jelly bean for a duration of approximately 5 hours. Testing in animals yields same results.
38 units remain after combined testing (using up 14 units) and incident 261-GH20. Both researchers involved reprimanded and reminded to keep intimate matters for another time. Analysis of chemical composition for reverse engineering is underway.
I already did 12 tests any more would be dangerous let’s continue in the morn ok? I am le tired - A-