theurlgoeshere: Gear, I wanna run the Space Jam Soundtrack through 914 on Fine.

Input: One (1) cassette tape containing the soundtrack for the movie “Space Jam”

Setting: Fine

Output: Five (5) tickets for a concert to be held in the United Center stadium, dated for [DATA EXPUNGED]. The concert features all of the artists who took part in the soundtrack for the movie. The meaning behind the number of tickets is under discussion.

omegaresnovae: I have an item I wish to submit to The Foundation as well. It's this off-white slab of marble, flecked through with bits of what looks to be quartz, 50 cm x 50 cm square, 20 mm thick. It's harder than Mohs-10, having resisted being scratched with a diamond; however, that hasn't stopped someone from carving the words "Tabula Rasa" into in it in facsimile of Classic Roman font. As you can imagine, I'm somewhat loath to touch it.

Fuck that, let’s put it into 914 - .-

Input:  50x50x2 cm slab of marble, with latin “Tabula Rasa” inscription in glyphic font.

Setting: 1:1

Output: 25x20x10 cm slab of dolomite, with english “Blank Slate” insciption in neo-grotesque font.

“No, we cannot keep hard stuff contained at Site-██, too many jokes comparing it to male sexual organs on behalf of the researchers. It’s a wonder we still have those last 5 tomatoes around.” - Site Director E. Gere.

deeceeoh: The Gearholder Foundation will fall. And when it does I'll be there laughing.

know what, I haven’t done any testing of my own have I?

ok here goes:

Money entered: 525 yen
Item description: A bottle of “GRASS POWAH!” brand natural juice, produced by the Gearholder Foundation. Packaging in Portuguese, stating manufacture was done by a Brazilian subsidiary located in [DATA EXPUNGED].

Marked as “Paraíso Mix”, it is a mix of extracts from Paullinia cupana, Passiflora edulis, and Mangifera indica fruits. Lacks preservatives but somehow the expiration date is not due until ██/██/████.

Notes: Suck my cog, DC. - Site Director E. Gere.

newnamed: 473 Rubles

Money entered: 473 Rubles
Item description: None, pushed “coin return” button after inserting currency. 861 yen deposited into coin return slot.

Well shit, I was just trying to humour the fuck but turns out the thing can exchange currencies? how come no one has tried this before?

Money entered: 861 yen
Item description: Glass bottle of Nuka-Cola, 500 ml. Radiohazard response team deployed.

Subsequent, separate testing with other currencies yielded no coin exchange.

Bummer. Guess it was just feeling generous that time.

micchy-did-nothing-wrong: It was in one of the test logs linked to through the main SCP article. Damn thing was never used in subsequent tests, so I figured why not see what you'd come up with.

I know the test logs, you! >:V
But who else here does? Tha’s rite, like 3 people tops.

Look man until a majority of people can tell what “a language approximating both Cherokee and Latin, with syntactic traces of Greek and Nahuatl” means then I’m not referencing other SCP canon stuff - __-

that-goddamn-owl: no fquc u i'll tempt luck dis tiem here have 1 yen

Money entered: 1 yen
Item description: One matchstick. Fire produced by it was noted to smell of roasted chestnuts, and also had a memetic property that compelled the test subject to put it while still lit into their mouth, resulting in minor burns.

that-goddamn-owl: I'll use ¥3431 :y

Money entered: 3431 yen
Item description: “KFO” deep-fried owl bucket. Labeling in English. DNA testing reveals the animal to be a specimen of Bubo virginianus nacurutu. Seasonings are unlike any present on Earth, with at least 8 unknown species of herbs identified.

whatevenisaquid: 8008¥. Hue.

Money entered: 800 yen
Item description: One ripe banana. Attempting to peel it was met with a strong resistance later revealed to be caused by a very thin plastic wrapping that had to be cut with a very sharp object (a letter opener owned by Dr. █████) with a considerable amount of effort.

Material is being analized for its impressive resistance at such a small scale.

funfetti-cakke-talks: ¥350

Money entered: 350 yen
Item description: Deep-fried rattlesnake.

omegaresnovae: ¥2500

Money entered: 2500 yen
Item description: A wooden box containing what appears to be catfood, engraved with Norse runes. The food itself is composed of minced pigeon, elk and rat meat, with some added herbs. Of note is the presence of what appears to be a QR code on the back of the box.