Live and Love under Patooties' peculiar light
Anonymous: I'd like to give one bowl of salad
Input: One (1) bowl of salad.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) bowl of vegetable soup.
GODDAMIT ELIZABETH FINE
Input: One (1) SHOEBOX FILLED WITH 8 KITTENS, LABELED “KITTEN ORPHANAGE”.
Setting: ROUGH
Output: A PILE OF SHREDDED CARDBOARD AND PAPER, AND 8 SMALL PILES OF MINCED MEAT, BONE SPLINTERS, AND UNEVENLY CUT ORGANS DRIPPING BLOOD. THE FLESH APPEARS BURNT IN SOME AREAS AND ONE EYE (THE ONLY THING STILL MOSTLY COMPLETE) SEEMS TO STILL BE RESPONSIVE TO LIGHT.
BITCH! THE MACHINE INPUT BOOTH IS ONLY 3 x 2.1 x 2.1m (10 x 7 x 7ft) IT CAN’T FIT A ORPHANAGE!! >:U
Lizzy no that’s mean >:C
We already know what happens to living beings on Rough, no further testing in that field is needed >:C
If you want an orphan to get grinded by gears I’d be happy to comply in other alternative… procedures ù///ú
Input: One Irish coin.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One charm in the shape of the Mexican Virgin Mary, made with the same materials, with the engraving “¿No estoy yo aquí, que soy tu madre?” on the back side.
Input: Un (1) heart: ♥
Setting: Very fine
Output: ONE HUNDRED AND TEN MILLION HEARTS HOLY SHIT ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
[REDACTED FOR BREVITY]
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
“ANDREA QUE CARAJO SE SUPONE QUE HAGA CON TODOS ESTOS CORAZONES?” - Site Director E. Gere.
Test repeated by request from Agent Tecolote.
Input: One (1) Double Triple Balty Deluxe on a raft, four by four, animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim
Setting: Rough.
Output: A perfectly cubic block with sides about 10 cm long made of an unknown organic material. Touching the cube makes the subject feel satiated after 5 seconds, bloated and nauseous after 10 and [DATA EXPUNGED] after 20 seconds of exposure. Analysis of both living and dead test subjects’ stomachs reveals no anomalies.
All test subjects invariably complain of “a lack of pickles in their meal” after breaking contact with the cube.
“Ok what the shit?” - Site Director E. Gere.
Input: One copy of the 10th Anniversary reunion soundtrack of ‘Les Miserables’
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the 10th Anniversary reunion soundtrack of Disney’s ‘Aladdin’
Input: One (1) Double Triple Balty Deluxe on a raft, four by four, animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim
Setting: Very fine (accidentally set to this setting by an assistant researcher)
Output: A perfectly cubic block with sides about 10 cm long made of an unknown organic material. Touching the cube makes the subject feel satiated after 5 seconds, bloated and nauseous after 10 and [DATA EXPUNGED] after 20 seconds of exposure. Analysis of both living and dead test subjects’ stomachs reveals no anomalies.
All test subjects invariably complain of “a lack of pickles in their meal” after breaking contact with the cube.
Input: One (1) rusty Mosin-Nagant.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) M1908 rifle. Devoid of rust, but the barrel has multiple dents, some of which have rendered it unoperable as they jam the bullet.