tharook:

geekandmisandry:

wideopenhighway:

neverblogidly:

geekandmisandry:

My boyfriend just woke up, mostly still asleep and told me “don’t worry, it’s getting better” in a heavy, American accent, which is unusual for an Australian man.

“Why are you American?” I asked, to which I got:

“Sorry, it’s getting better” in a stereotypical posh English accent.

“Why are you English?” I asked, amused.

“What is he normally?” He managed to ask.

“He? You’re not anyone else, you’re you.”

“Ugh, me” was the last thing he said, in a right proper Aussie accent before he fell back into proper sleep.

Bitch just thwarted a ghost possession by judging his accents

My boyfriend would be gettin’ hit with the baseball bat beside our bed if he ever woke up and said, “What is he normally?” about himself.

Then you would NOT have liked the time he pointed to a corner of our room while he was sleeping and said “they share a dimension with Earth and they take cats to eat them”.

I absolutely do not like that.

(via kittytishers)

kylesquips:

kylesquips:

If you wanna date a milf you gotta play the long game fellas

Step one: get a gf

Step two: wait

(via not-the-conversation-starter)

chantosakura:

sknjob:

top reasons to get married

1. Firmly saying “That’s my wife!” and knock someone out in one punch
2. love i guess

john mulaney ghostwrote this

(via demilypyro)

Fun Christmas idea:

razzle-dazzle-pineazzle:

edens-blog:

edens-blog:

Hang mistletoe but instead of kissing you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it

Mistlefoe™

SOMEONE’S HALLS ARE GETTING

DECKED

(via insanelyfriendlysquirrel)