can we talk about this
THERE’S A GODDAMN LUCHADORE BIRD POKEMON AND NONE OF YOU DOUCHEBAGS BOTHERED TO TELL ME?
DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHAT THIS CHANGES?
GODDAMN EVERYTHING
LOOK AT THAT MOTHERFUCKER. HE’S READY TO GRAPPLE AND SUPLEX THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, YOUR POKEMON, YOUR MOM, YOUR DAD, AND YOUR WHOLE GODDAMN EXTENDED FAMILY
WANNA HEAR WHAT THE POKEDEX SAYS ABOUT THIS UNSTOPPABLE FORCE OF PURE WRESTLING INSANITY WHILE IT PISSES IT’S ELECTRONIC PANTS?
"Although its body is small, its proficient fighting skills enable it to keep up with big bruisers like Machamp and Hariyama."
THAT’S RIGHT PANTSHITTER MACHAMP AND HARIYAMA
Machamp “The Superpower Pokemon”
Height: 5’03”
Weight: 286.6 lbs
Hariyama “The Armthrust Pokemon”
Height: 7’07”
Weight: 559.5 lbs
Hawlucha?
HEIGHT: 2’07”
WEIGHT: 47.4 lbs
THAT’S RIGHT THIS BIRD IS BARELY THE SIZE OF A TODDLER AND HE HANGS WITH A QUARTER TON SUMO WRESTLER AND A POKEMON CALLED THE FUCKING “SUPERPOWER POKEMON”
Hey pal, what’s your favorite pokemon?
Charizard?
FUCK YOUR PUNK-ASS CHARIZARD, THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL FUCKING MOONSAULT HIS BITCH-ASS OUT OF THE GODDAMN SKY!
THAT’S RIGHT DICKLORD! HE’S FUCKING FLYING/FIGHTING TYPE!
"But doesn’t that make him weak against like nine types?"
SORRY I COULDN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF YOU BEING PUT INTO THE MEANEST COBRA CLUTCH OF YOUR LIFE BY A FUCKING TWO FOOT TALL BIRD!
YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THE FRENCH CALL THIS HARD-ASS MOTHERFUCKER?
BRUTALIBRE
THAT’S RIGHT THE FRENCH KNOW WHEN YOU SEE A HAWLUCHA IN THE TALL GRASS YOU BEST JUST MOVE ALONG BITCH BEFORE HE GIVES YOU THE MOST BRUTAL ELBOW DROP YOU’VE EVER HEARD OF!
hello newest addition to my team
This needs a voice. Reblogging for later.
that was beautiful.
// I’m willing to record this, this is amazing. I’ll even use a faux-Hispanic accent for it, too.
//Holyshit, I’m dying of laughter, read this shit folks.
Nah son
NAAAAAAAAAAAAH SON
I DON’T THINK PEOPLE REALIZE HOW POWERFUL HAWLUCHA IS IN THE CONTEXT OF THE POKEDEX.BY VIRTUE OF BEING ABLE TO TANGO WITH MACHAMP ALONE IT MAKES IT POWERFUL ENOUGH TO LAY RUIN TO AN ENTIRE CIVILIZATION.
"Machamp is known as the Pokémon that has mastered every kind of martial arts. If it grabs hold of the foe with its four arms, the battle is all but over. The hapless foe is thrown far over the horizon"
MACHAMP CAN THROW MOTHERFUCKERS OVER THE GODDAMNED HORIZON. BUT THAT ISN’T EVEN IT’S MOST NOTABLE FEAT. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW POWERFUL MACHAMP IS? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW? BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO LAY DOWN THE COLD HARD MOTHERFRIGGIN TRUTHNESS ON YOUR ASS
"Machamp punches extremely fast, throwing five hundred punches a second. With only one hand, it can move a mountain."
500 PUNCHES PER SECOND. THAT MEANS IT CAN FIRE OFF PUNCHES AT MACH 15. FIFTEEN TIMES THE SPEED OF SOUNDS. AND THAT’S NOT ALL.. JUST ONE OF IT’S HANDS CAN MOVE A FUCKING MOUNTAIN.
YOU HAVE A 5 FOOT TALL MOUNTAIN FUCKING MACH 15 PUNCHING BEHEMOTH OF HUMANITY AND HAWLUCHA LITERALLY LAUGHS IN IT’S FACE BECAUSE HE CAN TRADE BLOWS WITH IT AND IT HAS A TYPE ADVANTAGE OVER IT.
YOU WANNA KNOW WHY HAWLUCHA KICKED MOST OF YOUR ASSES IN THAT GYM BATTLE? YOU KNOW THE ONE. WHAT YOU SHOULD BE ASKING YOURSELF IS WHY YOUR POKEMON HAVEN’T BEEN RENDERED INTO A SPLINTERY PASTE AFTER TAKING HIS BIG ASS FLYING PRESS HEAD ON.
EVERY NIGHT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED YOU GO INTO POKEMON AMIE AND YOU APOLOGIZE TO YOUR POKEMON FOR PUTTING THEM UP AGAINST THE GOD OF LUCHA. AND PRAY TO YOUR FLAMBOYANT FRENCH PROFESSOR THAT YOU NEVER ENCOUNTER ANOTHER ONE EVER AGAIN.
Finally you fagckers notice ;w;