Yo i’d like to know what he did to deserve this 

"Fuck this one person in particular" - God

new perspective on life: I didn’t get struck by lightning twice in a row, today was a good day.

That is the equivalent of saying that today is a good day because you did not die.

If this was real the sound would be loud enough to set off the car alarms?????

… not all cars have alarms :/