lordturkeyfist:

hatingongodot:

hatingongodot:

lordturkeyfist:

hatingongodot:

lordturkeyfist:

hatingongodot:

Me when I stutter on the phone during a business call

Me when i ask for real spicy and not white people spicy

Me when I step in a puddle and I feel the water penetrate my socks

Me when my friend’s 90 pound dog stomps on my nuts

Me when h– wait, what?

Oh! I’m sorry! I misheard. I thought you said “Me when my friend’s dog stomps on my 90 pound nuts.”

If i had 90 pound nuts do you think i’d be here? Clowning in this shit hole? I’d have a house of gold. A car of jewels. Lingerie forged with meteorite and silver coins. Dont be so naieve

(via insanelyfriendlysquirrel)