[My baby cousin is 9, and decided over christmas that he’s big enough to progress from the Hero’s Quest board game to proper roleplay. So I build him a wizard because he wants to shoot spells and enlist my brothers to play tank and healer, and set up a little campaign for them]

Me: The elf woman has asked you to deliver this package to Gullsport, which is a famous trading port. It’s too far to walk, so you have a couple of options. There’s a train, or you could travel with a cart cara-

Cousin The Wizard: I jump on the train from a tree while its driving past.

Me: You will have to make a couple of acrobatics rolls for that, are you sure?

Cousin The Wizard: Yes.

[He passes all his rolls. My brothers do not]

Me: You’re now the only member of your party on the train, standing on the roof of the third cabin. But when you go inside, you find that you’ve landed on the dining cabin during lunch and Every Single Person is staring at you. The conductor stands up straight and says - 

Cousin The Chaotic-aligned Wizard: I blast him with magic missile. *rolls*

Me: …Says “Ooph” and he’s promptly blasted back into one of the tables from your spell. Every OTHER person in the car stands up and starts drawing their weapons -

Cousin The Chaotic-aligned Wizard: I run through all the cars and up to the engine.

[He then somehow rolls high on every opposition I put between him and there]

Me: The train driver peers his head out of the cabin, looking flustered and confused, and says, “What’s all the commotion? Where’s Paul the Conductor?”

Cousin the Chaotic-aligned Wizard: I blast him which magic missile as well, and then throw him off the train.

Me: Are you sure?

Cousin the Chaotic-aligned Wizard: Yes. And I lock the cabin door behind me.

Me: …You’re now on the front of a runaway train, with a whole heap of buttons and strange levers you don’t know how to use. There’s furious pounding on the door behind you.

Cousin the Chaotic-aligned Wizard: I’m going to use my magic to blow up the train. And cast the shield spell to protect myself.

Me: That will kill everyone on this train. There are twenty people here, ignoring the man you already threw off.

Cousin the Chaotic Evil Wizard: Good.

[He succeeded in blowing up the train, failed his shield spell, and died in a horrible explosion]

Cousin: *nods in satisfaction* That’s exactly how he would have wanted to go out.