Live and Love under Patooties' peculiar light

  • Site Director, approaching me during a containment breach:Agent! You're the only one in the Site with the knowledge to prevent this breach from turning into a CK-class restructuring event. You have to help us, and fast.
  • me, the most renowned memeticist in the entire Site Cognitohazards & Memetics Department:Show me what's causing the trouble.
  • Site Director, leading me down a hallway while other personnel run screaming past us and reality restructures under our very feet:Thank God. This anomaly, SCP-████, communicates in a manner completely unheard of. It only materialized seventy-two minutes and thirty seconds ago; we're up against something we've never thought possible before now.
  • me, the most intelligent memeticist in the entire Site Cognitohazards & Memetics Department:Nothing I can't handle. Please, allow me to speak with it, and convince it to end the attack.
  • Site Director, shielding themself from the mass of anomalous activity floating at the end of the hallway, barely visible, whispering and pointing:There it is. At the end of the hallway. Please attempt to communicate with it - you're the only one who has a shot to save the Site.
  • me, the most well-rounded and knowledgeable memeticist in the entire Site Cognitohazards & Memetics Department, approaching the anomaly:I mean no harm. Please, communicate with me, and we will negotiate peace. There is no need for this destruction.
  • anomaly:y'all'd've-
  • me, stumbling backward and feeling the first flicker of panic:oh no
  • anomaly, continuing:-y'all'd've'n't had this problem ifn't'for Foundation agents whomst'd'n't've interfered with my existence shouldn't've'n't and can't've'd... done it to 'em. You know I'd've'd to do it to 'em
  • me, collapsing as the facility plunges into chaos:I can't do it, Director, I just can't do it
just expose the fuckin thing to 6327-J problem solved
110 notes6 years ago
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