So, I’m in a campaign where everyone starts as level 0 commoners and we all flail around trying not to die horribly for as long as possible. Somehow, amidst all this carnage, an unexpected hero joined us.
DM: you are ambushed by three angry Gnolls. What do you do?
Dwarf herder (me): *looks through inventory* wait…I have a sow?
DM: Yep. You’re a herder.
Herder: Imma try and get her to attack the Gnolls.
*rolls a d20 and gets an 18*
DM: ok, she attacks. Roll a d4 for damage.
Herder: *rolls 4*
DM:….your pig kills the Gnoll.
Herder: I’m naming this sow Suzan the Battle Pig. Good job, Suzan!
~~~~later~~~~
Herder: *dies by another angry Gnoll*
Me: wait, can Suzan still fight?
DM: roll persuasion to see if your other character can convince her to help.
Me: *rolls nat20*
DM: Suzan is filled with rage and discovers an insatiable hunger for Gnoll flesh. She now attacks with a d6.
Suzan: *kills the remaining Gnoll boss and Gnoll magician*
Me: Suzan is gonna eat the Gnolls
DM:…ok, she eats the big one and gains 5XP and one point of luck. She’s too full to eat the other one.
Me: Suzan carries the magic Gnoll with her.
~~~~one short rest later~~~~
Me: can Suzan eat her Gnoll now?
DM:….oh right, you did say you carried that. Sure.
As Suzan eats the magic Gnoll, she feels a rush of magical energy in her mind. Her brain is rebuilt by this magic so that she has….
*rolls d20 and gets a 15*
Oh, for fu–Suzan has 15 intelligence now and the ability to cast spells. Congratulations.
harmlesskitten13: When it comes to Hernymerch (TM), you're missing the goldest of goldmines! That's right, I'm talkin' mothafudgin' POGS. They're set to make a comeback any day now, and you need to be at the forefront!
Anonymous: The ghosts are here and they are naked.
