Live and Love under Patooties' peculiar light
Shit my wife has said after I said “I love you.”:
- I’m sorry, what was that? I was thinking of chicken tenders.
- (from the other room) Not my problem!!!!!
- Is this a trick question?
- That’s weird. It’s like a weird looking dog. You want it around, you still want to pet it, but it’s still a weird looking dog.
- (just stares at me. Just fuckin’ stares for like a full minute, full eye contact)
- nnnnnNNNNNeeh!!
- Well, uh. I guess you bought me dinner.
- That’s your mistake.
- You know what, bitch???? I love you too. I find you sexually appealing.
- I love you more, you absolute titty whore.
(via endarkculi)
this just in; light yagami is too much of a COWARD to fight Goku with his BARE HANDS, decides he will not play their “petty” games, in reality, he is just a weak bitch
He learned
self care is eating mangos
I hate mangoes
oh die then
(Source: goldbutch, via supersoftly)
Can you believe Geoff asked Millie to sit on his lap and Michael misheard him, thinking he was talking to him and so sat on his lap and Geoff just accepted it without question? Extra life this year was truly a blessing
(via eric-coldfire)
crop circles
everybody: aliens
nobody: corn is sentient
the corn just did that
(Source: wumblr, via kittytish101)
What a fat loser
The Chads were praising us the whole time.
“People run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water.”—
Charles Bukowski (via bittersweetsongs)
Wow bukowski so profound do you also bathe fully clothed you dickhead. “Oohh isn’t it funny that a person will eat when they’re hungry but will duck if you throw an apple at their face”
(via artfucker1996)
(Source: cachaemic, via not-the-conversation-starter)