1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
2. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
3. I have the heart of a lion and a life long ban from the San Diego Zoo.
4. What did the orphan say to the other orphan? “Robin, get in the Batmobile.”
5. You heard the rumour goring around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn’t spread it.
6. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.” The Buddhist gave him a $50, and the vendor pockets it. The Buddhist asks for change and the vendor replies, “change comes from within.”
7. What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
8. And God said to John, “come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
9. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile.
10. WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!? LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!! WHEN DO WE WANT ‘EM?!?! NEEEEYYYOOOOOOOOWWWW!
11. What hapened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.
12. What is Whitney Housten’s favourite type of co-ordination? HHHAAANNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDD EEEEEEYYYYEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
13. Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5 and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3? Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.
14. What do you call a blackman who flies a plane? A pilot, you racist.
15. If you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns, go for the juggler.
16. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
Ugh these are horrible, I’m not even sorry for sharing them, read them, read them now heh
