h9rd-t6-miss: I got 13000 yen for this machine. Lets get us some snack in.
I’mma delete one of those zeros, it’s bad enough that I’m violating protocol by going above 500 yen, and admittedly that Dauntless Bonanza incident could’ve been avoided quite easily by doing this.
“orz
Money entered: 1300 yen Item description: One “Balanced Food ‘CalorieMate’ Block”, maple flavored. Package in English, severely damaged, as if exposed to the elements for a long period. Close analysis reveals the item to be 70 years old at the least, which is inconsistent with the time at which Otsuka Pharmaceutical Co. began production of the item.
Money entered: 78 yen Item description: A pack of bubblegum, packaging in a language approximating both Cherokee and Latin, with syntactic traces of Greek and Nahuatl included. Taste does not match any kind of known vegetable or animal product, but is high in fructose and sacarose, as label indicates. Notably, it increases attention span in test subjects while being chewed.
zedrin-maybe: I have ¥750, now tell me why we're giving you money.
I’m doing a lil cheeky writing of random pandimensional foods and drinks as would be dispensed by SCP-261 cuz it’s fun comin up with the things and also cuz it’s inclusive for whoever wants to send a ask. Kind of baiting for attention as well I guess but mostly just for the fun of it, yeh - 3-
Basically it’s a one-sided roleplaying now that I think about it :T
ANYWAYS:
Money entered: 750 yen Item description: An unlabeled, thin, metallic cylinder with a button on one end that opens a circular orifice on the other end when pressed.
It dispenses a single small sphere, brown in coloration. When eaten, test subjects reported a familiar taste and texture of beef, bread and melted cheese, and a feeling of fullness after eating one. After dispensing 15 spheres, the cylinder apparently became empty, as no more spheres would come out, though no change in weight was observed.
Examination of the hole yields no result, as it seems to connect to a small chamber fit to store only one of the spheres at a time. Attempts to analyze internal structure of the device are underway.
Money entered: 800 yen Item description: “Ostrich Nuggets” still hot, in a cardboard box with the McDonald’s logo on the lid. Labeled in Afrikaans. Two packets, one ketchup and one mustard, attached to a small band at each side of the box. Twelve nuggets in total, seemingly gluten-free and reduced in sodium.
They look utterly ridiculous and they are my favourite thing you’re welcome and goodbye
That’s a fucking Sandshrew.
It’s a small dragon.
They’re so hunchbacked that even though they walk on two legs their front feet are almost always scraping the ground.
BONUS! Tree-dwelling version!!!
Also bonus, There’s a fuckton of different kinds!
Enjoy.
Also! they’re going extinct due to poaching because people love their golden scaley pelts! These are the only mammals in existence to grow actual scales, created from fused fur, like rhino horns! If you would like to donate to their conservation fund, or find out more about Pangolins in general, go here!
Money entered: 9000 yen Item description: Bottle of “Dauntless Bonanza” champagne. Label in Italian. Upon opening, the stream of foam expanded at a rate and proportion inconsistent with the possible volume that could be contained in the bottle, flooding the entire basement floor of the research facility. Three agents and 5 researchers fainted as a result of the high levels of carbon dioxide in the affected area, and were promptly taken to the medical bay.
Sampling of the champagne revealed it to be a very high quality, with the side effect of causing a memetic effect that caused those drinking it to engage in a celebration, as well as inciting others to join in. Cafeteria food stocks were raided and used for the ensuing feast, during which many personnel became violent, sexually active and a few [DATA EXPUNGED]. The party lasted for approximately 14 hours.
Class C Amnesiacs, contraception meds, emergency medical aid, and [DATA EXPUNGED] were dispatched, but subsequent analysis reveals the champagne itself accelerated healing processes, acted as a barrier for both pregnancy and disease, and also [DATA EXPUNGED]. No sample of the liquid remains.
Notes: I want those amnesiacs administered to all personnel who witnessed the [DATA EXPUGNED] and deletion of all recordings.- Site Director E. Gere
