MYSTERY STORY TIME

221cbakerstreet:

latinkilledtheromans:

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

It came all the way from Italy and this is how you welcome it

spatial dislocation event . _.

(via kitana-coldfire)

aoikouban:

breastforce:

steven universe: i don’t care if it could potentially end all life on earth as we know it killing somebody makes you just as bad as them 

star butterfly: *comes across a minor inconvienience*

why did you leave out the whole thing

(via firesuperstar)

What’s your superpower? No rerolls!

inuleeli:

unflatteringshadeofmagenta:

bechdels:

butchkirk:

natmidd:

mortalengine95:

teacandy:

kalgalen:

http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Special:Random

wow. what a superpower.

“No rerolls!” Says the guy who definitely rolled something cool and not… Sand magic

Cyrokinetic Claws. Holy shit gimmie gimme

be nice to me

“heart restarting”…WOW lmao

DESPAIR EMBODIMENT

Undead Manipulation. 

queen of the zombies up in this bitch

Superior adaptation…

“Users can quickly adapt to any situation, automatically gaining the necessary attributes to face them. In a fight, they may adapt themselves to resist abilities, replicate and enhance them to surpass their opponents, or spontaneously develop specific countermeasures. They can also analyze and understand any object, person or situation, quickly deducing the best course of action.”

Why does this sound fami–HOLY FUCCK

(Source: randal-mcmandal, via inuleeli)

Are you the person who calls the new acquaintance “friend” first or do you live life stuck in an eternal stalemate of waiting for the other one to call you their friend first?

Apple seeds contain cyanide, while banana seeds contain mercury, orange seeds are filled with napalm, and kiwi seeds are pure radioactive plutonium.

(Source: facts-i-just-made-up, via not-the-conversation-starter)