For a decade, a beekeeper near Athens, has kept a tradition: every spring, he slips icons of Christ, the Holy Virgin and different saints in his beehives, in order to bless his bees and his yearly honey production. And every year, the very same mysterious phenomenon occurs: bees make their honeycomb cells around the pious images, meticulously avoiding covering them.
The official government institution for preserving the French language is the Académie française and one of my hobbies is actually reading the updates on their website, it’s always so funny. Just lambasting new English loanwords and trying to shame people into using French terms instead. Some examples of their grumpily anglophobic entries:
“There is absolutely no reason to borrow the word backstage when we already have the perfectly suitable coulisses, although we understand your natural affection for the word stage which the British stole from us in the first place.”
“Why use rooftop instead of toit en terrasse? And if we absolutely must use a foreign word for this concept, let us at least borrow a term from a sunny Mediterranean country. Borrowing ‘rooftop bar’ from a nation famous for its abominable weather is absurd.”
their absolute outrage at any wine vocabulary being borrowed and distorted by wine barbarians (“please only use vintage to refer to porto”)
an entry explains that turning “to feel” into the ridiculous anglo-French verb “feeler” is tragic, “especially since ‘feeler’ is already an English noun that could refer to a snail’s ocular tentacles” and if we French don’t show respect for snail vocabulary who will??
My favourite entry:
“ASAP: This abbreviation, which is far from transparent, seems to accrue most of the vices of a language that conceals its contemptuous and comminatory character under the rags of a spurious modernity”
Y'all have,,, NO idea how much I want a pizza rn. It is taking all of my willpower to save my money and not order one this instant to celebrate getting stuff done today
late-stage capitalism is i want pizza but congress won’t buy me one
wait I haven’t tried
I’m gonna call my congressman and see
Hmm… Ted Cruz isn’t answering. Still a coward, I see,
I’m gonna ask my governor now and tell him Cruz said it was out of his jurisdiction so he’ll feel all important. dude sued the city and is richer than god he can afford a pizza
HDGJDFHGJ SOMEONE PICKED UP,,, this is how it went:
Me: Hello, I would like to request an audience with Governor Abbott
Secretary: I’m sorry. I can relay a message and have him get back to you in a call or email.
Me: Okay, thanks! Due to some recent changes and current economic disparity in Texas, I’ve calculated that Gov. Abbott makes enough a year to buy over 10,000 pizzas, for example. As a display of his claims to make efforts towards rebuilding the middle class, all I ask is that he buy me one single pizza.
Secretary: *incredulous laugh/scoff noise*
Me: That’s less than 0.0001% of his salary, not even taking his enormous wealth into consideration, and will affect my voting decision next election cycle. My paypal is https://www.paypal.me/quinintheclouds
Secretary: …I’ll let him know.
Secretary: *Hangs up*
None of them bought me a pizza. Guess you could say they crust my dreams :((
pLOT TWIST THE SECRETARY SENT ME $15 FOR MAKING HER LAUGH AND CAUSE SHE HATES WORKING THERE,,, THE SUBJECT LINE SAID POLITICAL PIZZA
