(via timurmurtazin)

107,014 notes6 years ago

NoFap Power level chart

zog-agent:

zog-agent:

7 days - levitation powers start kicking in, can float ~2-3 inches off the ground for around 5 seconds

14 days - invisibility, only for a split second though

30 days - weak laser eyes, like when rob in ssb does his b move but doesnt have it charged

33 days - memorize all maoist china anthems

40 days - if you play csgo your dick becomes a gun

69 days – unspent semen becomes nanomachines

6 months – choose one of three skill trees: fighter, gunner, swordsman. Every week after choosing adds a skill point  

1 year – ability to rig elections, win elections without popular vote

2 years – poopoo and peepee is recycled into power 

3 years – lose all body hair for sleeker future human aesthetics

4 years – can reorganize library books without looking at barcodes 

5 years - can shoot lasers out your eyes like really good

6 years - ability to eat soda cans and gain 5 cent refund

7 years - everything from vending machines free

7.5 years - shoplifting is not a crime

8 years - Open envelopes undetected, steal mail whenever you want

9 years - spawn purple hoverboards from your ankles

10 years - noclip

11 years - powerful

12 years - able to beat monkey ball 1 and 2 no deaths 

13 years - don’t have to replace your tires, rotate on their own

14 years - any t shirt you can think of can appear in front of you at any time

15 years - asexual reproduction, males only, exclusively autistic (very powerful)

16 years - calling someone a “poopy boy” will make them commit suicide (dont abuse)

17 years - no oil change

18 years - extra dick

20 years - ability to say nigga in rooms with black people (no hard r)

21 years - feet become permanent heelies

22 years - hhgreg membership 

23 years - get a soda stream

24 years - access to all YMCA locker storage which acts as an ender chest

25 years - can moderate my chatroom

26 years - moist socks instantly become dry 

27 years - no sweating in sauna rooms

28 years: memorize quran backwards

29 years - bread becomes toast in a fingersnap

30 years - shapeshift into youtube e-celebs 

31 years - become raywilliamjohnson 

32 years - go back to 19

33 years - use pipes as transport like in mario

34 years - za warudo

34.5 years stuck in home alone rp chat for a year

35 years - no more black people

36: stuck on karachi map from mw2 until you atone for your daughters sins

37: pass out on discord 

35: 34.5 but longer

36: roblox admin

37: cant get mad 

38: eat ass but it tastes good 

39: become allergic to gluten

40: bread hands 

41: bread hands forever, you’re allergic to your hands

42: copy of ape escape 2 

43: become an ape from ape escape

44: respect report becomes good 

45: can only listen report episode 1 

46: all audio to your brain becomes respect report episode 1

47: you dont get sad when people call you gay

48: watch a good anime

49: enjoy a cold horchata

50: respect women….a LOT

83:  shitting asmr is trendy in low hanging pantsed youth

84 YMCA lifetime membership

87 all gays talk like yogi bear

100:

image

That horchata is real tempting :/

(via timurmurtazin)

700 notes6 years ago
gro-ggy:
“pinku
”

gro-ggy:

pinku

(via pencil-rebagels)

1,481 notes6 years ago

(via )

2,265 notes6 years ago
pomutop:
“get me some of that cute bandwagon
”

pomutop:

get me some of that cute bandwagon 

(via meat-monster-deactivated2018010)

1,044 notes6 years ago
that-goddamn-owl:
“monarchs of leggy
”

that-goddamn-owl:

monarchs of leggy

379 notes6 years ago

inkie-heart: ๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š


…💚

8 notes6 years ago

chefpyrosjunk-deactivated201707: HELLO FRIEND


- _-

Lemme just.. pull this one up real quick….

k, I’m off to bed - _-

10 notes6 years ago

chefpyrosjunk-deactivated201707: Hello friend


what - _-

2 notes6 years ago

For that “glitch in the matrix” thing going around

rosalui:

sigilseer:

prismatic-bell:

Not me, but my mom.

In 1972, she ran away from home. She was gone for several months, and when she got home my grandmother started shaking her and screaming about how someone had told her my mother had no shoes and my grandmother was sure it meant my mom was dead.

She finally calms down, and they piece it together: my grandmother had gotten a phone call from someone who breathed two or three times, said “Cathy’s in bare feet,” and hung up. Except that’s not what they said–my grandmother had written the date in on her calendar, and on that date my mother was in Bare Feet, Arizona. She knew definitively that she was in Bare Feet because on that date she called home to talk to my grandfather, who told her Uncle Jim had died–“got himself shot”–and that she had missed the funeral. Ready for the glitch in the matrix part? Here we go:

–My grandfather had no recollection of the conversation–which would have been a strange conversation indeed, since Uncle Jim was still alive and, in fact, didn’t die until 2009, eight years after my grandfather. However, my mom did miss the funeral, thanks to a delayed flight. Cause of death? Supposedly, it was suicide, but there were enough indications for the family to believe that was a pile of horseshit, not least that shooting himself in the head with the rifle indicated would’ve been near-impossible.

–My mom was going by the name Patricia Danko when she was on the run–she had a fake ID and everything. She hadn’t called herself “Cathy” since leaving home and nobody knew she was traveling under an alias.

–According to my mom, she never gave a name for herself–either Patricia or Cathy–when she was in Bare Feet, and she would’ve had no reason to. Bare Feet had maybe a hundred people in it, and they were just stopping for food and gas.

–This isn’t just an account from my mother–my dad was with her at the time, and he remembers both the phone call and the truckstop.

But that’s not the weirdest nor the creepiest part, which is this:

–I’ve been trying for three years to find Bare Feet, Arizona–on the Internet, on old maps, by talking to old Arizona cowboys, and there was never a Bare Feet, Arizona. My mom convinced my dad to drive “through Bare Feet” on the way back from Texas in 2013 and there was no town anywhere along the highway, not even the abandoned bones of one. I’ve looked for Bare Feet, Barefeet, Bear Feet, Bare Feat, Bare Foot, Barefoot, and Bear Foot. None of these exist.

My mother stopped in a town that doesn’t exist, ate in a restaurant that never was, made a phone call that could not have happened and was apparently answered by a ghost from 40 years in the future, and later that night someone called my grandmother from a number that turned up on her phone bill only as a pay phone in Arizona to say that single sentence, “Cathy’s in Bare Feet.”

I didn’t initially want to reblog things here, but this is just too far up my alley. I think I’ll start collecting stories of incidents like this, weirdling magic at its most potent.

what the mother fuck

(via souldotwav)

107,692 notes6 years ago